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WEEK
4 - CLAYMORES 3 at COLOGNE 17
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PREGAME
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Week 4 and it was off to Cologne to participate in the Eau de Toilette Bowl. Flight delays on the Friday night allowed for full completion of the trophy by acquiring multiple scented tester strips in the Duty Free shop. Needless to say it was good smelling toilet seat by the time we boarded! |
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Cologne of course is the City of Dom. And that should lead you to remember to catch the FTP Website to find out all their take on the weekends events.
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The other Dom tries to tout some spare Eau du Toilette tickets before we head out to the game. First Down fanclub helpfully explained we could get in without these and escorted us to the stadium. As ever in this league, all the Cologne people we met were great. |
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The tired Tartan army match on toward another stadium we've yet to win in. By our account we reckon it's the 14th different stadium the Claymores have played in, but we lost count a long time ago!
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"Excuse me, do you know the way to the Power Party?" Yes it was a wee bit quiet early on GameDay as it didn't appear the Cologne fans had figured out the 3 and a half hour pregame show. However the setup was excellent and bodes well for the future. |
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So we figured why not brighten things up by doing some posing with the prize for the day! We were certainly feeling confident about our chances at this stage.
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First up was Jupp Maximus the Cologne mascot. Just in case there is any confusion, that's Roy on the left and Jupp Maximus on the right. |
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Next up John Beake who never dreamed that his retirement from NFL VP of football operations would involve being photographed with a toilet seat in Cologne. Preston meanwhile looks like his head might be face down in the seat any second. And that's still Roy in the background, not Jupp Maximus.
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Last and not least, the only coach in the league who would happily been seen pictured with a toilet seat 1 hour before kickoff - Peter Vaas. Pete seems to be the hardest working coach in show business, doing his pre-game interviews on stage and generally working the power party area. Guess he felt confident about his chances in the game! We think that's Roy on the right, but it could be Jupp. |
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All this time Roy was shaking off the effects of a concussion obtained from a game of Gladiators when Preston's cheap WWF move backfired and the Hatter bounced off the back of the inflatable ring. Instant ejection and a 3-0 win for Roy. John Beake later informed us that the league has handed down a fine of $10,000 to the Cheddarheads for this unsportsmanlike conduct. Get well soon Hatter. |
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Centurion pregame introductions. For the 3rd straight week, things were going well at this stage. Even better was the thoughtful attempt by stadium people to block our view of the Eau du Toilette Bowl by letting off multiple flares.
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| THE GAME | ||
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The game kicked off on in the smog and we were obviously disappointed to see Nate Hybl scuttle back onto the field at QB. But things started well, and a reverse to Ian Smart out of his new 'slot' position gained 10 yards and moved the ball into Cologne territory. |
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| Then the unthinkable happened. Hybl actually completed a pass that went through the air more than 15 yards. His hopeful lob down the sideline was brought in by a diving Scott McCready who turned back for the ball unlike the defensive back. Could we make use of this good fortune? |
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Yes and no. Two Hybl incompletes brought on Rob Hart who was good on his 25 yard FG. We had points! We were in the lead! CLAYMORES 3-0 |
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| Could our D hold it? They did, but only for 2:25. Firstly DT Alan Harper was flagged for roughing the passer which moved the ball past midfield. Then a jumpy Harper jumped offsides 2 plays later and made contact with QB Ryan Van Dyke who went down like an Argentinean soccer player, and drew another personal foul penalty. |  |
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Next play Van Dyke hit WR Todd Devoe for a 15 yard score and Cologne were in front CENTURIONS 7-3 |
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The sudden change in score necessitated a need for refreshment! Despite most of the crowd sitting upstairs the "Kolsch Man" seemed to spend all his time downstairs going horizontally and not vertically! |
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| Our 2nd drive was back to the traditional Hybl 3 and out. On 1st down Maurice Hicks sees his 1st carry of the day, but his O-line clearly don't see the defense players and watch him get tackled for a 1 yard gain. Then Hate Nybl throws a low pass to Hicks - incomplete. And then a high pass to Haygood - incomplete! BOOOO! |  |
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Our D gave the Centurions two more 1st downs by penalty on their next drive, but Alphonso Roundtree broke up a pass intended for Carl Morris on 3rd and 7 and then had to punt. However they stopped them too soon, as 1:11 still remained on the clock when Ian Smart fair caught the punt and that meant more Hybl ... |
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| Which meant another 3 and out! Ian Smart got smothered on a horizontal 2nd down pass, and Hybl was unable to scuttle for 1st down yardage when he ran for only 4 yards on 3rd and 6. BOOOOOOOOO! |  |
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7 plays later, Van Dyke hooked up with Devoe for another score - this time from 33 yards. CENTURIONS 14-3
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Poor Curt faced a 14-3 deficit right from the get go. But as soon as #5 took the field, the offense once again came to life with him hitting his first 4 passes for 49 vertical yards. |
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| In what is becoming a regular feature - Statistical Goof of the Week! This time S James Lewis cot credited with a 9 yard catch on Curt's 1st pass. Unless he was wearing a Maurice Hicks shirt and pants at the time - we beg to differ! |  |
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However the drive stalled when Anes's deep pass was incomplete for Herb Haygood in the end zone. Rob Hart then stepped up to boot a career long 47 yard FG and looked to have nailed it but the ball died at the very last second and fell agonizingly short. |
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After the D held new QB Rob Adamson on Cologne's next drive, it looked like momentum had turned in our favour when Ian Smart returned the punt 74 yards to the 11 yard line. Ian's been close to breaking a big one the last couple of weeks and it looked like this might be the one. But Gerald Dixon was called for holding waaaaay back on the 29 yard line and Curt took over on his own 19 yard line - a net loss of 70 yards!!! |
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But Curt again got things rolling as time ran down in the 2nd Q. After hitting McCready for 8 yards on 3rd and 7, he found his favorite target TE Marcus Helfman down the middle for 28 yards. This was same play that set up the team's 1st TD in Berlin 3 weeks ago (where it gained 27 yards) - and to date these are the 2 biggest plays on offense for the team. |
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But after that the coaches seemed to take the ball out of Curt's hands, running Ahmaad Galloway for 5 yards on 3rd and 6 inside the 2 minute warning. |
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And then on 4th down they tried Galloway running left. Ahmaad hasn't turned many corners in 2004, and when the left side of the OL got pushed back on this play - he had nowhere to go but down. Another promising Curt drive had gone to waste ... |
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The Claymores offensive coaches had now officially gone into hiding to prevent their identity being revealed. Van Dyke was back at QB and executed an impressive 2 minute drill leading to a Derek Schorejs 42 yard FG with 15 seconds left in the half. CENTURIONS 17-3 (HT) |
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Another stadium, another game of Twister and another potential loss for Preston. Check out what happened by clicking the link below ...
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3rd
Q |
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And then disappointingly Hate Nybl returned at QB for the Claymores, and boo birds reigned down for the upper tier of Rhein Energie Stadium ... Thanks to the Cologne D committing a couple of penalties we did manage to cross midfield but elected to punt on 4th and 4 from the Centurions 43 yard line with 1:19 left in the 3rd Q. |
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That was it for the 3rd Q. It was getting to be dull stuff despite the presence of the Centurions cheerleaders. Although Shuggie was enjoying the NFL Draft at Madison Square Garden, you can bet he'd trade his spot for a good seat here! |
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The Saints are on the clock! To try and pass the time during the game, Preston had a live and updated draft board. Early excitement obviously as the Giants and Chargers played poker with their QB's. We booed when the Lions passed on Kellen Winslow, but in the end they did OK getting good value out of the trade picking up Roy Williams and Kevin Jones. |
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| This was the moment Ryan Van Dyke realized that Eli Manning was coming to New York to be a fellow Giant and walked off the field in disgust. |  |
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4th
Q Nate Hybl led two straight 3 and outs and that was it for the Silver and Blue on this day. |
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Once again the ultra conservative nature of the play calling shone through when on 4th and 4 near midfield and less than 8 minutes remaining, a punt was called for. Down by 2 scores, and sending a tired D back onto the field didn't seem a wise call. As we said the Claymores never saw the ball again, and it brought the misery to a quick end. But hey - we won the Eau De Toilette Bowl! |
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The look on Jack's face says it all. 0-4 and 20 points to show for it. It will take one of Jack's best coaching jobs to pull us out of the doldrums now. FINAL |
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Nice to see the about half the players acknowledge the strong and vocal Claymores support at games end. |
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| POSTGAME | ||
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Game "cheddars" to...
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What we learnt after Week 4 ...
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Time
to go to the Bureau De Change Jack! |
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Odds & Ends So the draft board was complete as we got back into Cologne centre. That put us on the clock, and the decision was made to send Dom and Preston to Dusseldorf in exchange for Lesley and H to get a good night's sleep.
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And of course the toilet seat came too! First victim was Thunder GM Michael "4-0" Lang, clearly still getting used to this early season winning. Since he had never even gone 1-0 before, each week has been a brand new experience for him! Unsuccessful trades for Jim Tomsula and Tank Reese were attempted by Preston in exchange for the toilet seat.
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Inside Knoten it was time to show off our trophy - and who better to see the fruits of our rotten harvest than John from Sitges Sack. As previous champions of a Toliet Bowl 2 seasons ago, they understand the importance of these kind of games. Yes they have no team, but that hasn't stopped them attending games every other weekend! |
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| After Knoten it was time for Louisiana Bar to track down a few players. Since the Fire had lost for once, there were few guys out. We did however run into a few ex-Claymores however. If recognize OL Chris Smith, you're doing well as he was a Claymore for 2 days last week! Also on hand was DeVonte Peterson who feels genuinely bad at how our season has gone. |  |
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0-4 Baby! 2004 EAU |
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A tried and weary return to Cologne the following morning was not aided by Preston deciding to jump off the train at the wrong stop, several miles outside the city. But the quick thinking saved a possible stayover in Aachen ...
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Eventually enough strength was summoned to climb the 509 steps of the Dom again (having done it first in 1999). Once at the top there was only possible course of action - plant a Dragons sticker! LONG LIVE THE DRAGONS! We believe this has laid rest to the Curse of the Dragons now and Jack & co will return us to winning ways next week versus the Fire! |
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Curt
Anes & Marcus Helfman.
Showed us signs of life in the 2nd Q. Too bad they never got a chance
to hook up again in the game.
